So I'm driving home from work this evening and I see this bumper sticker, it says "The ten commandments aren't multiple choice."Well, no duh. In order for something to be multiple choice, don't we need a question? I can't think of a commandment that is stated as a question, and if they were, wouldn't they be the ten queries or ten questions about life or something like that?
So here they are, 10 multiple choice commandment questions:
- With whom do you have a monogamous worshiping relationship?
a. god
b. Zeus
c. Buddha
d. None of the above - Graven images are okay
a. True
b. False - Which of the following are acceptable ways to use the lord thy god's name in vain?
a. oh god!
b. goddammit!
c. jesus h christ!
d. none of the above - Which day should be kept holy and remembered?
a. Monday
b. Friday
c. Wednesday
d. the sabboth - Should thee honor thy parents?
a. True
b. False - Under which circumstances is it okay to kill?
a. a kill or be killed situation
b. your daughter has been raped and you have the perpetrator in your hands
c. some sonofabitch just cut you off getting on the expressway
d. none of the above - Adultery is okay when...
a. when your spouse does it first
b. as long as your spouse doesn't know
c. when you have agreed ahead of time that it is okay
d. never - It is okay to steal when you are really hungry
a. True
b. False - You should bear false witness against your neighbor when...
a. you think he is a member of a terrorist group, but have no hard evidence
b. his dog crapped in your yard and he didn't clean it uo
c. his trying to sell his house and you don't like the look of the couple currently checking out the house during his open house
d. never - Which of the following are acceptable things to covet?
a. your brothers wife
b. your best friends car
c. your neighbors home
d. you shouldn't covet at all
7 comments:
I have one rule: "Treat others the way you want to be treated." It fits every rule, every religion, every Ten Commandment.
Lucy - I remember the day my mom taught me that!
Fucking religious people need education.
-N
Nat - AMEN
Oh crap, more religion stuff ;) I went to Dollywood last week for work and one of the gifts I got was this giant candy cane. I didn't think much of it at the time (except why am I getting a candy cane in September?), I simply packed it away and brought it home. Yesterday as I was unpacking I pulled it out and read the tag on it that told the "history of the candy cane." How much of it is true I don't know but it basically said that the candy cane symbolizes Jesus' suffering on the cross (and listed the reasons why). Mom and Dad called right as I had finished reading this and I didn't even say "Hello," I just answered the phone by saying "Candy canes are ruined for me now. I have no secular symbols left to represent Christmas and so I'll have to give up the holiday." I mean, I always thought the candy cane was a safe holiday symbol free from reminders of a religion I don't subscribe to but choose to celebrate their holiday nonetheless. Whatever, I ate the stupid thing anyway.
Random... yes. I know.
SS - Sometimes I get scared that some zealot is going to come and beat me over the head until I believe.
OMG...I can't ever eat another candy cane.
That's good news for the diet.
-N
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