Someone Might Get Hurt

This is me without cigarettes. Not pretty. This too shall pass, but all can think about is going outside in the rain to puff away on a tube of paper stuffed with dried leaves and cotton at one end.

I stole this picture from here: www.therapyquestionmark.co.uk so take a look at their site. Listen to their tunes and buy their music.

So I swap one bad habit for another. I am eating like there is no tomorrow, or otherwise chewing gum. I must have some oral (not aural) fixation. I've been told by a co-worker that chewing straws is prohibited, because it looks ridiculous. As if a cigarette doesn't. She is a non-smoker. We compromised on cinnamon toothpicks instead. Not so obvious, and a little tougher looking. This way I won't look so much like the bitch I am to the habit, but more of a bad ass who needs to chew on something in order to channel some aggression. So at the rate I am going, I shall certainly weigh 500 lbs by the end of next week. Get out of my mind....

The thing is, I don't really feel like I crave the cigarette as much as I need to round out the day. It is time for a smoke, that's all. My routine is disturbed and I not quite sure how to create a new one. I tried walking around the office, and there are all these people who would gladly give me a cigarette if I asked for it. Need to move on to someplace else. Ah... the cafeteria. Now there is a good place to go. Smoking while eating is so nasty. A small reprieve, long enough to eat the hot Italian sub and fries that are today's special. But now I want that after eating cigarette. FUCK!!! Hey, eating a cigarette, now that sounds good, no wait, what the hell am I thinking??